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I lied to my mother when she found out about just one of dozens of men I was having cyber and phone sex with. I didn’t get bullied, to my retrospective surprise, but I did win class Teacher’s Pet in high school unironically. Screaming, crying and name-calling had become a part of the daily grind. I was growing into my body too quickly for my mother’s liking, and it became her mission to shame me into containment.
Thirteen is a hard age -- or at least it was for me. In her paranoid world, I was trying to seduce everyone. It’s confusing to be treated like a harlot when boys don’t even look at you. For about a year, she was away almost every night and weekend on with men she’d met from the personal ads, and her absence opened the floodgates. Every chance I got, I headed to the “Alone at Home” AOL chatrooms to pick up dudes.
I’d grown up enough to become acutely aware of my own outsiderness. It was stupidly easy: Post “16/f/ma” and within seconds you would be rolling in attention.